Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The 24 Types of Pot Smokers

Finally, something funny instead of pro-legalization.

COED Magazine has just come out with a pretty funny article on 24 types of pot smokers. I found most of the descriptions, allowing for journalistic hyperbole, to be pretty accurate. My favorites were:

The ADHD Kid
Signature smoking method: Steamroller

He stopped taking his Ritalin a long time ago because it made him feel dead inside. But then he was a total spaz. So to keep himself from jumping around like a psychotic banshee, he started smoking weed. After a few hits, the smoke calms him down to a level of energy just above the average person. Which is good, because if it didn’t, he’d have no friends.

The Gen-X Parents
Signature smoking method: Brownies
Deep down, these people are cynical and pissed off. In their spare time, they do yoga and attend wellness seminars and have the worst children on the planet – I mean real sh!theads. They work at ad agencies and have time shares and generally suck to hang out with. But you know what the perfect cure for all that is, don’t you? Yep, it’s weed. High five!

Ghetto kid
Signature smoking method: Dutchie, peach/grape blunt

No matter the The Ghetto Kid’s race or where he’s from, when he gets high, nine times out of ten, he’ll throw on a beat and start freestyling for hours, until it’s so boring you can’t even have fun smoking pot anymore. And when he’s not doing that, he complains about anything that’s pissed him off within the previous 36 hours, then shrugs it off like it’s nothing. And after all that, he’s still one of the best people to smoke with, ever.

The Druggie
Signature smoking method: Anything that works
The first way to know that weed is not a real drug is by seeing someone who’s taken real drugs after a real binger. And since coming down off of drugs like heroin, meth, etc is about as fun as trying to screw a pillow case filled with broken beer bottles, the only good thing to stave off the nausea, headaches and all-around suckitude, is a few quick hits and a room without light. Now, when has anyone ever had to do that with weed?…

Check out the article for the rest. I'd like to think I'm a mix of the connoisseur, the professional, and the true stoner (there was no activist one, but to be perfectly honest, most of the activists I've met are more often 'true stoners' and rarely eloquent writers and orators, which I, of course, am.)

Stay High,

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